Halfway to 50!

Twenty somethings unite!

Hey Jiggly Butt! April 29, 2011


We never grew up with a scale in our house.  Nobody was overweight or even worried about weight, so there was no reason to have such a judgemental tool lying on the bathroom floor.

This is why I was shocked at Easter when I went to my parents house and found one, lit up and glaring at me.

My brother, being as surprised as I was, decided it would be fun if everyone would weigh-in to determine their “pre-Easter meal” weight.  Then on Sunday (well you know what’s coming) after stuffing our faces with mounds of food, we’d all weigh in again to see what we’d gained.  Being a rather tall, gangly bunch, this wasn’t offensive to anyone and we decided it would be a fun family activity.  I mean, what better way to celebrate Jesus’ rise from the tomb than with a weigh-in?

Here’s where it went from funny to pathetic.  I got on the scale and wrinkled my forehead.  Huh?  I’ve been the same weight for years and was surprised to see that number change.  I got off and back on again.  Dammit.  An electronic scale doesn’t lie.  I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror.  I wiggled my arms.  No flapping skin.  I turned to the side.  No protruding stomach.  I turned around and craned by neck to see the back of my legs.  No chubby legs.  Hmmmm.  I turned to the front and laughed at my own funny thought.  No, those few pounds were not added to my chest… I couldn’t be that lucky!  Oh well, I’ve been lifting a lot of weights over the past year so maybe it’s the added muscle.  I went about my business, enjoyed Easter, and didn’t think twice about those new pounds… until Thursday.

I was bent over digging through a filing cabinet in my classroom.  My students were busily working (most of them) when I felt a tap on my butt.  My eyes bugged out of my head and my heart dropped.  Oh my gosh.  My butt just jigged like crazy.  It was like a rock was thrown into a pond causing ripples to form.  I slowly turned around to tend to the student who needed me and quietly sat down in my chair.  I found the location of those new pounds.  My ass.  How can this be?  I’ve been lifting weights and running regularly!!  I don’t deserve this!  (Ok, maybe an exaggeration of my reaction, but I was pretty pissed.)

As I sat chewing my pizza last night, I discussed my ass with my hubbie.  He laughed as I went on and on about my jiggly butt that was poked by a student.  Determined to convince him that my butt had indeed grown, I stood up, bent over, and patted my own ass to show him how it reacted.  (Looking back, I don’t understand why I went to this extreme, but the point got across.) 

The morale of this story?  Owning a scale is stupid.  Weight is just a number.  Be sure you add some butt lifts to your daily workout.  Cheers to all 20 something asses that creep up and say “boo” when you least expect it!

 

5 Gym Pet Peeves March 15, 2011


Please wash off your equipment!  That is just one thing I’d like to yell at the gym on a daily basis.  I’m 25 and a couple of years ago I decided to making working out part of my regular routine.  I spent time at several gyms in the area trying to find the perfect fit for me.  Finally, I found The One and have been there ever since.  Upon becoming a gym rat, I have found that there are several things that bug the crap out of me when I work out. 

1. People jump off of equipment and walk away.  They just walk away without cleaning off their sweaty nastiness that I have to endure.

2. Women have no shame in the locker room.  I’m not saying women shouldn’t be proud of what their momma gave them, but at the same time, I don’t need to see your naked boobs as you change into your sports bra.  Find a bathroom please!

3. The gym is not a runway.  Please don’t show up in your low-cut, tight-fitting work out clothes.  One girl in my class does this and every time we have to do planks, her cleavage is looking back at me in the mirror. 

4. Kids under the age of 16 should not be working out with a personal trainer.  There is a 12-year-old who regularly trains with a professional at my gym.  What in the world are you training for buddy?  Got a big pee wee championship coming up? 

5. The T.V.’s should be on a variety of channels to meet everyone’s needs.  I’m a T.V. junkie and my time on the eliptical goes much faster if I can watch Real Housewives, E! News, or House Hunters.  Staring at Sports Center on 5 T.V.’s is boring.

What about the gym makes you crazy?  I’d like to hear from my fellow gym junkies!