Halfway to 50!

Twenty somethings unite!

Hey Jiggly Butt! April 29, 2011


We never grew up with a scale in our house.  Nobody was overweight or even worried about weight, so there was no reason to have such a judgemental tool lying on the bathroom floor.

This is why I was shocked at Easter when I went to my parents house and found one, lit up and glaring at me.

My brother, being as surprised as I was, decided it would be fun if everyone would weigh-in to determine their “pre-Easter meal” weight.  Then on Sunday (well you know what’s coming) after stuffing our faces with mounds of food, we’d all weigh in again to see what we’d gained.  Being a rather tall, gangly bunch, this wasn’t offensive to anyone and we decided it would be a fun family activity.  I mean, what better way to celebrate Jesus’ rise from the tomb than with a weigh-in?

Here’s where it went from funny to pathetic.  I got on the scale and wrinkled my forehead.  Huh?  I’ve been the same weight for years and was surprised to see that number change.  I got off and back on again.  Dammit.  An electronic scale doesn’t lie.  I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror.  I wiggled my arms.  No flapping skin.  I turned to the side.  No protruding stomach.  I turned around and craned by neck to see the back of my legs.  No chubby legs.  Hmmmm.  I turned to the front and laughed at my own funny thought.  No, those few pounds were not added to my chest… I couldn’t be that lucky!  Oh well, I’ve been lifting a lot of weights over the past year so maybe it’s the added muscle.  I went about my business, enjoyed Easter, and didn’t think twice about those new pounds… until Thursday.

I was bent over digging through a filing cabinet in my classroom.  My students were busily working (most of them) when I felt a tap on my butt.  My eyes bugged out of my head and my heart dropped.  Oh my gosh.  My butt just jigged like crazy.  It was like a rock was thrown into a pond causing ripples to form.  I slowly turned around to tend to the student who needed me and quietly sat down in my chair.  I found the location of those new pounds.  My ass.  How can this be?  I’ve been lifting weights and running regularly!!  I don’t deserve this!  (Ok, maybe an exaggeration of my reaction, but I was pretty pissed.)

As I sat chewing my pizza last night, I discussed my ass with my hubbie.  He laughed as I went on and on about my jiggly butt that was poked by a student.  Determined to convince him that my butt had indeed grown, I stood up, bent over, and patted my own ass to show him how it reacted.  (Looking back, I don’t understand why I went to this extreme, but the point got across.) 

The morale of this story?  Owning a scale is stupid.  Weight is just a number.  Be sure you add some butt lifts to your daily workout.  Cheers to all 20 something asses that creep up and say “boo” when you least expect it!

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