This is why I was shocked at Easter when I went to my parents house and found one, lit up and glaring at me.
My brother, being as surprised as I was, decided it would be fun if everyone would weigh-in to determine their “pre-Easter meal” weight. Then on Sunday (well you know what’s coming) after stuffing our faces with mounds of food, we’d all weigh in again to see what we’d gained. Being a rather tall, gangly bunch, this wasn’t offensive to anyone and we decided it would be a fun family activity. I mean, what better way to celebrate Jesus’ rise from the tomb than with a weigh-in?
Here’s where it went from funny to pathetic. I got on the scale and wrinkled my forehead. Huh? I’ve been the same weight for years and was surprised to see that number change. I got off and back on again. Dammit. An electronic scale doesn’t lie. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. I wiggled my arms. No flapping skin. I turned to the side. No protruding stomach. I turned around and craned by neck to see the back of my legs. No chubby legs. Hmmmm. I turned to the front and laughed at my own funny thought. No, those few pounds were not added to my chest… I couldn’t be that lucky! Oh well, I’ve been lifting a lot of weights over the past year so maybe it’s the added muscle. I went about my business, enjoyed Easter, and didn’t think twice about those new pounds… until Thursday.
I was bent over digging through a filing cabinet in my classroom. My students were busily working (most of them) when I felt a tap on my butt. My eyes bugged out of my head and my heart dropped. Oh my gosh. My butt just jigged like crazy. It was like a rock was thrown into a pond causing ripples to form. I slowly turned around to tend to the student who needed me and quietly sat down in my chair. I found the location of those new pounds. My ass. How can this be? I’ve been lifting weights and running regularly!! I don’t deserve this! (Ok, maybe an exaggeration of my reaction, but I was pretty pissed.)
As I sat chewing my pizza last night, I discussed my ass with my hubbie. He laughed as I went on and on about my jiggly butt that was poked by a student. Determined to convince him that my butt had indeed grown, I stood up, bent over, and patted my own ass to show him how it reacted. (Looking back, I don’t understand why I went to this extreme, but the point got across.)
The morale of this story? Owning a scale is stupid. Weight is just a number. Be sure you add some butt lifts to your daily workout. Cheers to all 20 something asses that creep up and say “boo” when you least expect it!